


Survivor

by BestApplePie



Category: Oz (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-09-18 11:39:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9383351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BestApplePie/pseuds/BestApplePie





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dustandroses](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dustandroses/gifts).



“Merry Christmas, Father Mukada” Sean nods to him, raising his cup of coffee. “Still here?”

“Merry Christmas, bless you,” he answers, nodding. “I’ve just finished holding Christmas mass and I’m still hoping to talk to a few people before I leave”

“Always so dedicated” Sean Murphy smiles. “I’ll be honest, I’d rather be home”

“Someone has to be here. Good thing it’s you” Ray looks through his mail. There are some cards from former prisoners - Tobias Beecher’s elegant handwriting is unmistakable. How lucky he was, getting the right lawyers, being able to convince the jury of his innocence and getting another chance at parole. One of the few stories that have a good ending, he supposes. There are too little of those.

“Why? Because at least that way it’s not a family man being stuck here?” he asks - obviously frustrated but not unkindly. Ray can understand how he feels. He’d rather be somewhere else, too. Everyday.

“Because you are very good at what you do.”

Sean sits down, smiling. “I get that often.”

“You survived so far in this job. Many don’t.”

“Yeah, I heard about Metzger. Poor guy.”

“That’s not what I meant.” He takes a sip of tea. “Christmas Dream” they called it on the package. Tastes like Gingerbread - but the spirit of the season just won’t come up - just like Miguel didn’t show at mass. He had hoped he would come around - but he’s been fearing more and more that he lost him. 

“You know what’s the last thing I heard they call Oz on the streets? A deathtrap.” Sean shrugs, his usually so carefree face stoic. “I should feel insulted, but I guess it’s not that far off the truth.”

Ray nods. Yes, and it has eaten Miguel. Miguel - the boy he has met so many years ago - who lived through so many awful things - the boy who didn’t survive, leaving behind nothing but a shell fueled on drugs. It hurts him thinking about it - but he just can’t stop. If only Ray had done more - he does not know what - but just something.

“It’s just… the budget is too tight to employ more COs, the CO-training is useless on some and you only notice their worth when it’s already too late.”

Yeah - like it has been too late so many times. Miguel comes to mind - so badly, it hurts. But not only him - Guerra, who couldn’t be reached but by drugs - Carlo Ricardo, who was so lonely - Raoul Hernandez, in the prison system since he was only a child of nine years, Carlos Martinez and Enrique Morales, murdered by a woman they used to greet in the cafeteria for years. 

Beecher’s saga of suffering - everyone knew and nobody cared - Guenzel and Winthrop - even Robson, whom they all thought saved but eventually perished under the weight of pasts sins. 

And Jaz Hoyt, who paid for his confession with his life - may he rest in peace. Ray hopes he’s free of whatever insanity has plagued him. Cloutier - forever hidden in the walls of this prison - would have forgiven him for sure. 

Forgiveness. Sometimes, Ray wonders - Nino Schibetta asked for forgiveness, so long ago. Maybe Ray should have been a bigger man and given it. There are many regrets that keep Ray awake at night - this is just one of them.

His nephew, Dino Ortolani, is another. How casual that CO mentioned that the boy was lost - called it “self destruct,” like their lives are just some stupid game for him - just a little too late. Had Ray seen it before, maybe he could have helped. So much suffering could have been prevented. Ortolani. Kaene. Schibetta. Schibetta’s son, who paid so horribly for his father’s sins.

Ray couldn’t help any of them. He, too, feels so useless sometimes, he thinks it’s killing him. He knows he’s not the only one - Sister Peter Marie feels just the same, she has told him many times. 

When Cyril O’Reily was executed, many more felt that way. It wasn’t right - it was more than just wrong. No amount of intervention on their part could have saved Cyril. No amount of intervention on their part can save Ryan O’Reily either - it’s just a different kind of saving he needs. Ryan O’Reily is born to survive this place - he will, when all of them have not. But it’s the wrong part of him that’ll survive.

Just like Arnold Jackson. He has survived - Poet has not. That’s what Oz does to people - it brings forth their ugliest and kills everything else. 

“Can you imagine Ryan O’Reily still tries to manipulate me? He acts like we’re old friends or something” Sean snorts. 

“Well, you are at least old acquaintances, I guess that counts for something.” 

“This is my job - I’m old acquaintances with Querns, too, and I can’t stand the man.”

Ray laughs. 

“You know, I only took the job in this hellhole because McManus asked me to. Now he’s outta here and I’m stuck with fucking Querns. I swear to you, I hear “Don’t fuck with Querns” one more time, I’m going to hand in my notice.”

He wonders if McManus really got out of here - if there’s not something he left behind - his hopes? Dreams? His ideals? 

If anything, he left them behind to die. They didn’t make it - Ray hopes McManus will fare better, wherever he is.

Sometimes Ray wonders if he himself would fare better somewhere else - other times he’s sure he would. But he’s here. He wonders how much of himself will have survived should he ever make it out of here. He’s a free man, yet he’s not. There does not have to be a conviction to be a prisoner of Oz.

He could quit - he thought about it many times. But he never does.

Sean Murphy threatens to quit every other week. He never does, either. 

“You know” he says, shrugging. “In a way, we’re both prisoners of Oz, too”

Sean laughs. “I guess you could say that, yeah”

“At least we’re in this together” Ray smiles. “Increases the chance of survival”

Sean is smiling, too, raising his cup of coffee. “To our alliance, then?”

“To surviving”


End file.
